


The person I never wanted you to know

by Hatchico



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Cutting, Death, Father/Son Incest, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Other, Past Child Abuse, Pedophilia, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-04-12 07:35:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 21
Words: 19,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19127494
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hatchico/pseuds/Hatchico
Summary: Sometimes you hide in the past because you may be hiding something within it. What happens when a certain informant's past gets revealed? It might just change his life and everyone's perspective of him forever





	1. I love humans

**Author's Note:**

> There's cutting in this chapter so if that in any way upsets you please just skip this chapter

"I love humans." blood dripped down a pale arm and down the drain "I feel a great love for all of mankind." The cold water relentlessly attacked the almost lifeless body "If you ask why it's because they hate me." the water finally stopped.

Izaya watched as the last of his blood swirled down the drain leaving no trace that it was ever there. He then exited the shower drying off then wrapping his arm in bandages.

He looked at himself in the mirror seeing dead eyes look back at him "No matter how much they grow to hate me I will always love them." a smile graced his lips, fake as always."Yes, I'll love you all until the day I die!" he slowly stepped out of his bathroom then entered his bedroom and got dressed.

-

I wasn't always like this 

'Death' 'Destruction' 'Chaos' a voice said, That voice has always been with me ever since I was a child.

...I guess I've always been insane but only recently have I embraced it. I closed my eyes smiling wider.

"Perhaps if I just listen to this voice it'll go away, right?" I opened my eyes only to find that they were blurry from tears "Just keep listening to the voice and It'll go away...Right?" I looked to my left to see a shadowy figure, Don't worry though it's always been there just watching me...Always...Watching...Me...

"Perhaps this is judgment for always watching people, Now I'm being watched daily by you right?" I asked the shadowy figure who of course never replied."I wonder if you're actually real...Perhaps since plenty of things are possible..." 

The figure smiled slightly 

"Are you perhaps here to keep me company while also making me go insane?" It didn't say anything but nodded ever so slightly "Thought so..."

I lied down with my eyes closed trying to fall asleep but of course, the voice had to come back "Izaya..." 

"Damn it why won't you leave me alone!" 

"Voices don't just go away, they stay for days and days, they'll say some awful things. Things that will make you wish you could just fade away." I felt my body become numb "you can never escape your own mind...Izaya..." my eyes snapped open and I forced my body up and turned the light on.

The shadowy figure was still there and so was the voice. I starred into the mirror tears freely streaming down my face "Just leave me alone!" I shouted in anger and desperation "You know the only way I'll do that..." 

"I just did!" 

"Yet I'm not satisfied..." I quickly opened the drawer and grabbed one of my many knives out then pulled up my sleeves and started to cut.

"Good, cut harder now. Don't you want to feel that sweet release?" I obeyed the voice and it chuckled "Such a loyal puppet. You won't care if I break you down because you'll just have to put yourself back together again." he laughed "Even if the pieces are beyond repair." 

I screamed and he laughed some more. I cried and the laughter finally faded away. I sighed in relief then collapsed back on the bed, my blood was getting hotter and my body was getting colder but I ignored the signs 

"I'll just pick up the pieces and bury them deep...no one notices anyway. Time just seems to go on and on anyway." 

I slowly closed my eyes with a content sigh "Finally some rest." and with that, I drifted off to sleep.


	2. Just a normal day

Shizuo awoke from his deep slumber yawning then groggily getting up. He started his usual morning routine which consists of a quick shower, brushing his teeth, then putting on his signature bartender uniform. He then put on his signature blue-tinted sunglasses then left his apartment complex for work. Yes, it was a normal day for the beast of Ikebukuro, just doing his usual waiting for people to pay up and if they didn't rough them up until they do. Yes, the day went on normally, almost peacefully other than the few fights here and there between gangs.

About 2 hours later

"It seems we're done for the day." Shizuo let out one last puff of smoke before he put it out with the sole of his shoe 

"Already huh?" 

"Yup, hey if you want we can go get some lunch." 

Before Shizuo could reply a horrible odor filled his senses and his eye twitched "I'll have to take a rain check on that offer maybe next time." and with that, he stomped off to go beat up the man with the horrible scent. 

Tom sighed and rubbed his temples "When will those two just end this silly feud?"

Meanwhile, Shizuo was getting closer to the 'flea's' scent then he finally saw him negotiating with some low life gang member who seemed to have nothing to lose which is a dangerous quality to have. Shizuo uprooted the closest thing which was a yield sign then growled loud enough for Izaya and the other man to here 

"Izaya-kun! Didn't I tell you to stay out of Ikebukuro?!" 

Izaya turned around and smirked as the other man made himself scarce, smart enough to know not to get in between the crossfire of the two most feared men in Tokyo.

"Hmm I'm not sure maybe you should freshen my memory." he purred out and Shizuo stomped closer 

"Of course I will." and with that, he swung the yield sign like a bat narrowly missing Izaya by an inch or two.

"Hold the fuck still!" 

"Haha now, why would I do that?" 

"Bastard." Shizuo resorted to old-style punching and got a few lucky hits on Izaya's jaw and stomach but Izaya also got a few hits or shall I say stabs on his arm and shoulder.

"Oh Shizu-chan can't we get along?" he said with a catlike grin 

"No way in hell you pest!" he swung his fist again and Izaya dodged swiftly as usual.

"Why not?" he pouted cutely then smirked again 

"Because you're a worthless piece of shit that no one will ever like you fucking demon spawn!" that hit a nerve in Izaya's chest and his masked slipped as memories flooded back

-

"S-stop it hurts..." 

"No one cares you worthless piece of shit." a punch to the face and the little Izaya's eyes began to well up with tears.

"I can't!" 

"Demon!" 

"Am not!" he cried out to the man above him.

"Then why has your mother left you behind?"

-

Izaya was punched into a wall and he glared up at the blond his usual smirk back securely on his lips."Says the monster, all you've ever done with that strength is destroy and wreak havoc all through Tokyo." he grinned noticing he struck a nerve on the beast 'Serves him right.' 

Shizuo's vision became blurry as memories played in his mind as if it were just yesterday.

-

bones breaking constantly, it was like an everyday cycle. He was in a hospital way more then any other normal child should be and his parents were worried. Red flooded his eyes and before he knew it he was in front of a destroyed shop. He starred at all the people in it, mostly men, dead. But there was one person in particular that shattered the boy's heart. The nice lady who always gave him milk. The police arrived soon after with his parents who hugged him, thanking whomever that their child was safe 

"All I wanted to do was help..." he whispered.

-

Shizuo shook his head to keep his mind from wandering but when he was finally back in reality, Izaya was already gone. He growled angrily at himself for letting the flea get away so easily then he lit up a cigarette then walked out of the alleyway and he tried to ignore a very tiny voice in his head that whispered "Monster" over and over again, nearly driving him into blood lustful rage.

When he got back to his apartment complex he went to the bathroom to splash his face with some cold water in hopes that the voice would go away. But when he lifted his head up and his eyes met his reflection he gasped in horror at seeing a creature with glowing eyes and sharp teeth grinning back at him.

He then grew angry and with that anger, he punched the mirror into thousands of pieces. He started to breathe heavily as he finally fully relaxed and looked at the damage he has done."Damn it!" he went to get a broom and dustpan to sweep it up mumbling to himself that it was probably Izaya's fault as it almost always is 99% of the time.

Sadly he didn't realize this was one of that rare 1 %...

Izaya stood near a grave his eyes dull as he starred at the name written in the tombstone 'Kyouko Orihara' he then crouched down and rested a hand gently on it 

"I'm sorry I couldn't save you..." he smiled sadly, refusing to cry. "If it'll make you feel better Mairu and Kururi are okay." He stood up patting the gravestone one last time and slipping a single rose in front of it.

"I'll visit again when I can." and with that, he disappeared into the night.

-

'Something isn't right...' Shinra walked over to me and put a hand on my shoulder 

"Are you alright my love?" 

[Y-yeah I'm just thinking is all.] 

"Come on Celty you can tell me can't you?" 

[Well I feel as if a turmoil is brewing in the hearts of two certain people] 

"You mean Shizuo and Izaya?" 

[Yes but I can't pinpoint exactly what it is though] I would have sighed if I had a head but I guess leaning against Shinra is a close second 

"Well, hopefully, it isn't too bad..." 

[Yeah I hope you're right.]


	3. My heart beating feel it beating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

"Why are there so many files?" A woman by the name of Yagiri Namie asked with clear annoyance in her voice.

"Hey I'm paying you so why would I do all the work?" 

"Hmph, bastard" 

"Well, when you're done lock up." 

"You're going out again?" 

"Yup! see you tomorrow Namie-chan~" 

Before she could retort he was already out the door with a slight skip in his step.

As he ascended down to the lobby in the elevator he wondered if he should pester Shizu-chan today or maybe he should annoy Shinra by keeping his so-called lover busy with jobs. He chuckled at the thought of his face looking like a sad puppy while he waited for Celty to get home.

He was now on the train and soon he closed his eyes as the buildings rushed past the windows before finally he was in Ikebukuro. He walked through the streets looking around as he skipped through the city that made him feel so unknown.

He twirled before he sung to himself "Streets they have history,Puts me in a daydream,Walking through the memories" He smiled wider "Keeps my mind wondering~" he looked over at the shadowy figure "All that I can tell you is that I still want too" He ended his song there as his eyes traveled along his "precious" humans before he settled to just walk among them and observe them for now.

Elsewhere, a tall blond walked down the streets with a lit cigarette between his lips, the ashes slowly shimmering to the ground before they disappeared completely. His blue shades hiding his inner turmoil. You see after that day between him and Izaya he's been hearing voices, whispering things to him trying to make him crazy.

"You're flesh and blood but what's underneath?" He tried to ignore it but it kept talking "You're a man-made monstrosity" Shizuo growled before he took his cigarette out of his mouth, broke it into two before he dropped it to the ground and stomped it out.

'Damn it just leave me alone!' he yelled in his mind doing his best to not go on a rampage. "It's alright to scream, They'll be screaming too" 

"Shut up!" He was clenching his fist so hard that he was drawing blood. He watched as people scattered away from him and he sighed before deciding it would be better to just go home.

-

I'm constantly watched every day, no matter where I go it's always there never saying a word just starring...WHY WON'T IT EVER LEAVE?

-

This god damn voice won't shut up! HOW CAN I SHUT IT UP!

-

What they don't understand, They fear inside. What they don't understand, They try to hide

But no one can hide from it

F

O

R

E

V

E

R


	4. I'll blame him for EVERYTHING

Everything he does is to spite me. Everything he says is to make me go into a rage. When it's all over and he's gone, I'm filled with regret. All I've ever wanted was a peaceful life but he always brings out the worst in me.

Beast

Monster

Savage

He's the only one I despise with a passion. He's the only one who's disrupted my somewhat peaceful life. He's the only one I want to kill...

But I always fail to catch him

If he would just get out of my life maybe just maybe I could find true genuine happiness. Maybe I wouldn't disappoint my brother or my boss. If I could just learn how to control it.

I can finally live in peace 

The nicotine burned my lungs but for some odd reason, I keep smoking. Maybe it's because the pain makes me feel human. Sure I'm just deluding myself in a false sense of normality. But even though people say I'm the strongest man in all of Tokyo, Japan, I can barely look at myself in the mirror without feeling self-pity. Deep down inside, I might as well be the weakest of them all.

The ashes from my cigarette slowly fell to the cement I was walking on. The dim glow contrasting with the night sky. I watch the smoke travel into the atmosphere before disappearing from my line of vision. My sunglasses were neatly tucked into my shirt. I sighed looking up at the stars before footsteps approached.

I looked out of the corner of my eye to see a yellow and blue cat helmet. "Hey, Celty." 

Celty started walking beside me, our shoulders just barely rubbing against each other. 

[Hey Shizuo, what are you doing out so late?] 

"I could ask you the same thing." 

She looked flustered for a second before gaining back her composure [I just had to do a few last minute jobs is all, And while I was riding home I spotted you so now can you answer my question?] 

I chuckled "I'm just teasing Celty. I just needed a breath of fresh air." 

[Fresh air is fine but are you sure there isn't something on your mind? I'd be glad to give some advice or just listen to whatever you need to get off your chest] I looked at her helmet, watching as little puffs of smoke, barely noticeable escaped out of her neck.

"Now that you ask I guess It can't hurt to talk about it." 

[Well what's on your mind?] 

"What's your opinion on me?" 

[My opinion? Well, I guess I could say you're a very kindhearted person who goes out of his way to help others even if he doesn't have to. And yes I know you have a bit of a short fuse but that doesn't make you a bad person] 

"Do you think I'm a monster?" 

[No I don't, I never did and I never will. A monster is something like...me I mean just look at me I don't even have a head!] 

"It doesn't matter if you have a head or not." 

[Huh?] 

"You're a great friend and you're more human than most." 

[Y-you really believe that?] 

"Yes"

Celty hugged me before pulling away and typing [Thank you] 

"Don't thank me I'm just stating the obvious." 

[I know that's what Shinra tells me too when I feel like this] 

"Though I still don't think I'm qualified to be human." 

Celty hesitated for a moment before she typed [What's so great about being human anyway?] 

"What do you mean?" 

[Just think about it, human beings are very...complex creatures. You never know what they could do. Sure a mass majority of them are good or at the very least neutral but some can be just pure evil] 

"You're starting to sound like the flea." 

[Sorry but all I'm saying is being called human might not be as different as being called a monster if you put it in perspective]

"Hmm." 

[And maybe That's why Izaya calls you a monster because calling you human feels like an insult in his mind] 

"Yeah but he's still a bastard." 

[I know but just try not to do anything reckless] 

"Why are you worried all the sudden about that?" 

[It's just a feeling, Listen Shizuo, I care about you and so does everyone else so please for the sake of yourself and others if there's anything wrong feel free to talk to any one of us about it]

I smiled at her kind words. It eased the inner turmoil just a bit. "I will." 

Celty's phone buzzed before she typed [Shinra's worried, I better get to him so he won't be too clingy when I arrive. If you want we can talk tomorrow and you should be getting to bed soon] 

"Yes, mother," I said with a playful grin. 

She jabbed my arm in embarrassment before typing [Whatever! see you later /(>v<)/)] 

I waved before she sped off into the night.

With that, I decided to head home


	5. I just don't understand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains child rape. If that in any way makes you uncomfortable then please just skip this chapter

An 8-year-old boy was coming home from school, a forced smile plastered on his face as he skipped down the block. The neighbors waved at the boy who smiled politely and waved back before skipping towards his 'home' They were so oblivious to the boy's pain and suffering. If only they knew maybe just maybe he wouldn't become a lying manipulative 'flea' in the future.

But I guess it's too late for that.

Finally, he arrived at his doorstep and with a heavy sigh, he unlocked the door and slowly opened it. The first thing he smelled was of course alcohol. His father lied there on the couch with a beer bottle on the table and a cigarette dangling from his lips, the ashes slightly burned the man's shirt. Izaya started creeping upstairs after locking the door but was stopped by a gruff voice which said: "You're late, again." 

"I'm sorry I-" 

"No excuses come here now!"

The boy slipped off his book bag and trudged towards the man. His father sat up and motioned him to sit. When he did the first thing he felt was his pants being pulled down to reveal his thighs which were covered in many cuts and bruises. Then he felt excruciating pain as the cigarette pressed hard against one of his newer wounds. He almost screamed if it wasn't for a hand covering his mouth.

"Scream and I'll put you back in the fucking closet for a week you hear me." Izaya nodded with tears building up in his eyes. 

It hurts 

It hurts 

Make it stop

When he finally stopped Izaya gasped in slight relief before the next order made his eyes widen in shock. 

"Strip." 

"W-what?" 

"You fucking heard me you brat STRIP" 

"N-no please don't make me I'll do whatever you want just d-don't make me do that!" 

"You're a demon. Demons aren't raped they enjoy pain just like you do you sack of shit." He grabbed Izaya before pushing him on the ground and pinning him there. "If you won't do it then I'll just have to punish you more." 

"N-no please!" His clothes felt like they just vanished and before he knew it something painfully big was going inside him. A hand went over his mouth just as he screamed.

-

He lied on the floor

Disheveled

Violated

Broken beyond repair

That was the day the boy finally cracked

It was the day he lost his humanity, he became what he was always called

A demon

He became a person who inflicted pain on others, Just to relieve the pain he felt himself.

As his mind finally realized what was happening, the boy came to one conclusion

"I need to leave I have to get out. RUN RUN RUN DEAR GOD FUCKING RUN" 

But he couldn't so he lied there in his own world 

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting

Until finally his world went black


	6. We're not so different, you and I

The beast and the info broker. So different yet so alike. They have been brawling the second they saw each other.and It all started with the words "I don't like him" before it escalated to "I fucking hate that flea!" But now they have a...routine between them. Each time Izaya comes to Ikebukuro Shizuo tries his hardest to drive him back out. While in the process they both open up each other's old scars, both physically and mentally. It's a game they play until finally one of them decides to quit or dies...whatever happens first I guess.

"I-ZA-YAAAAAAA!" 

"Fhuhuhu Shizu-chan is so loud~" 

"Then get out of Ikebukuro you scum!" 

"You don't own the place Shizu-chan. Heck, you cause more damage then I do for these people." 

"That's because you make me!" he said swinging the stop sign like a bat. 

"Make you? Ahahaha how ridiculous! You cause this destruction with your own free will~" 

"Fucking louse you're smart enough to know that I hate violence and since you bring it out of me that means I hate you too!" 

"Oh Shizu-chan so simple-minded, to scared to take the blame so you push it on me instead."

With that he sliced at the blond, making his bow-tie fall off as he cut through the cloth and some skin. 

"Bastard, Kasuka gave that to me!" 

"Come on Shizu-chan you're becoming too predictable and boring. Control your rage or kill me already." Izaya smirked at the man 

"Ah, so you have a death wish flea? I'd be happy to oblige to your wish." 

"It's not like I want to die in particular it's just those are really the only two interesting options left for this game we share." He took a step back "But it's not like you can actually kill me. You're too obsessed with being human to do that and besides if you kill me then everyone will finally see that you really are a monster."

Shizuo clenched the sign taking deep breaths. "You're absolutely right." 

"Of course I am~" 

"Well just because I won't kill you even if it'll do the world a favor doesn't mean I won't beat you into an inch of your life!" With that he swung the sign quickly, sending Izaya flying into the sky. 

"So violent Shizu-chaaaaaan!" he yelled as he soured through the sky, getting ready to land at any moment. 

"I hope he breaks something..." Shizuo mumbled under his breath. He shoved the sign back into place before pulling out a cigarette and taking a nice long drag.

Izaya landed far off somewhere followed by a loud crash along with a snapping sound. He slowly got up and had a sour look on his face

"Damn that monster..." 

He clutched his broken arm tightly 

"I knew I shouldn't have been so close but it's just so much fun seeing his reactions." 

He stood silently in the alleyway with a pained expression 

"When I get back I'm sending ten gangs after him," he mumbled just under his breath. 

"Well well well, what a pleasant surprise." Izaya's ears perked at the much too familiar voice. "It's been a long time. How have you been?" 

"I could be better at the moment if I were under better circumstances but I guess I'm fine." Izaya turned his head slightly to look at the man 

"What do you want Shirou?" 

"Is that any way to greet your own father?" Izaya knew he should run away but he was curious of what the man wanted.

The saying goes, Curiosity killed the cat

"After what you did you should be thankful I haven't sent an assassin your way." 

"Such a cruel child." 

"I'm not a child anymore!" 

"Looks like you still have some spunk left in you, even after you killed your own mother." 

"I already told you I did no such thing." 

Shirou took a step closer than more until he was directly in front of Izaya. 

"Should I punish you for lying?" 

"I'm not lying!" 

He slammed Izaya against the wall. "I think you are." 

"Bastard." 

"And you most definitely will be punished, you dirty little killer."

"I'm not a-" he was cut off by a pair of lips enveloping his own. His eyes were wide in horror as memories flashed of the sexual abuse he had as a child. "Lemph go!" he tried saying let go while pushing him with his good arm. 

Teeth sunk into his bottom lip, making him bleed slightly. Shirou pulled away panting slightly 

"It's been so long. I can't wait to be in your tight ass again. Then again I heard you whored yourself out for information so you might have a loose cunt." 

"Asshole let me go!" 

Shirou laughed before unbuckling his and Izaya's belts.

"I guess I'll just have to find out on my own."


	7. Leaked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm awful. Sorry, not sorry. Anyway, the kanji down below is supposed to say "I love humans to death"

"N-no get off me!" Izaya tried to squirm out of his grasp to no avail instead it seemed that the older man was getting off on his struggles and cries of pain. 

"You look so pretty when you're in pain." he groaned out before leaning down to suck and nibble at the info broker's neck. "Don't worry I won't be too rough since I love you even if you killed your own mother." 

He pulled out his cock, giving it a few strokes for good measure. "I bet you missed being filled up with your daddy's cock, huh slut?" 

Izaya frantically shook his head "No way in hell!" 

"Heh, cute..."

He slid off the informant's briefs just enough so he could see the small hole before he grabbed Izaya by his ass and lifted him up, giving each cheek a squeeze before spreading them and pushing his penis against his entrance. "When I'm done with you your ass will be a twitching gaping mess." 

He shoved his cock all the way in, his balls pressing against Izaya's ass while his cock enjoyed the velvety walls clenching around him. "You'll be covered inside and out with cum and I'm going to make sure all of Ikebukuro knows that you're nothing but a bitch who craves for cock."

The man, of course, lied about not being to rough as he thrust in and out of the informant's dry hole that started to bleed from the rough friction. 

"No... ah no more!" he was so focused on the pain that he didn't even realize that his father pulled out his phone and started recording the act, he, of course, didn't show his face since he knew he'd go to jail. The man started picking up the pace since he didn't really care if Izaya fell or not, all he cared about now was two things which were recording his son and fucking him until he couldn't cum anymore.

Izaya was now on the ground with his legs and ass being the only things being suspended into the air as the man above continued his harsh thrust. The man aimed the camera directly at his face to catch his reactions which were mostly of him crying out in pain while a pool of drool dribbled down his chin. 

"Aren't you just adorable?" The man above grinned, his cock sinking in and out at an almost inhuman rate before he finally burst inside of the info broker. "F-Fuck that felt good..." he groaned out nearly dropping the phone. He slowly pulled his cock out before aiming the device at the dripping hole. "All of Ikebukuro can see your sloppy fuck hole Izaya. How does that make you feel?" 

The informant only sighed in pain.

"Don't worry you don't have to reply." He stopped the recording. "Besides I'm not done with you yet anyway." 

The man moved his dick to the informant's face before shoving it down his throat. Izaya gagged his eyes wide before he clawed at the man to at least pull back so he could breathe. The man above only pulled back just enough for him to get a small gasp of breath before thrusting back into the wet mouth. Izaya's throat spasmed out making pleasurable contractions around the man's cock. 

"That's right baby, just take it like you've always had." after a few more powerful thrust he pulled out and squirted his seed all over Izaya's face. The cum ruined both his hair and eyelashes.

The info broker could hear the faint shutter of a photo being taken but he was far too exhausted to even lift his head up. He then heard a small click of a cap being opened before a red marker made contact against his pale skin. the man started writing disgusting things all over his body like. Sperm bank and an arrow pointing to his hole which read open any time. 

"I think I'm doing you a favor. A father needs to discipline his son when he's done wrong. And don't think I don't know of all the chaos you've created." His father grinned "Even if it means my death."

Izaya couldn't help but laugh at those words "Such poetic justice it would be if you died." he breathed heavily as one final picture was taken of him before his father pulled up his briefs and pants before leaving the informant in the alleyway for anybody curious to see him. 

The info broker slowly sat up, grabbing at his clothes before slowly putting them on while trying to ignore the stinging pain in his lower region. He stood up leaning against the wall with his good arm before he burst out laughing. He laughed and laughed some more "Humans are so amusing! He thinks he can rile me up that easily?" he limped out of the alleyway "This is why I love humans so much."

私

愛

人間

に

死

...

Will I break for this love?


	8. "No one hurts the flea but me!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me and my self-inserts cause I can

The info broker lied there for a while longer before finally gathering the energy to pull back on his clothes and limping out of the alleyway. He tried his best to steer clear of his humans as much as he could since well all he wanted was to go home and sleep off the pain or at the least have a nice cup of tea to ease the pain in his jaw while taking some pain killers for his ass. 

His phone vibrated and he quickly pulled it out to see the text [Hope you enjoy the video and images on the dollars but don't worry I put on the mature warning so no children will be scarred, well most children anyway] 

[Fuck you] 

With that, he shoved his phone back into his pocket before running to his apartment complex despite the pain it caused by moving so quickly. 

When he arrived Namie looked up at him before stating flatly "You look like shit and you smell awful." 

"Yeah yeah I'll shower later." 

He booted up his computer before going to the dollars website and tried to delete the video. 

"You know they've gotten better with the security so I think only the person who uploaded can delete the video. Why do you want it taken down anyway?" Namie looked at the computer screen curiously before her mouth formed an O. 

"Don't know why you're having sex with strangers and recording it but I guess if that's how you get your kicks-" 

"I don't go around sleeping with my humans! I'm above such primal activities." 

"Well, at least I can check pervert off the list which is practically one of your very few redeeming qualities." 

"Namie." 

"Yes?" 

"Shut up."

-

"Senpai!" 

"Huh? Oh hey Vorona." when he looked up he saw two blondes instead of one. 

"Who's that?" 

"The name's Hatchico Blake." The women introduced herself while skipping closer making her breast bounce as she did so. Her purple eyes gleamed "Currently in a relationship by the way." she gave him a playful wink "I actually always wanted to meet you." 

"Oh really?" 

"Yeah, I've seen you on TV allot picking up just about everything~" 

"I guess I do do that allot but uh why did you want to meet me?" 

The women gave him a small smirk before whispering "Cause I enjoy meeting people who can do extraordinary things." 

Vorona nudged her "Oh and I was wondering if you can help me settle a debt since you are a debt collector." 

"Why didn't you do that Vorona?" 

"Thought it'd be better if you did it instead." A small ding sound interrupted them.

Hatchico looked at the phone before saying aloud "Since when did the dollars distribute porn? Not that I mind." 

She looked at the title before she gasped "Izaya?" 

Both Vorona and Shizuo's eyes widened a little 

"As in Izaya Orihara?" Vorona asked 

Hatchico clicked play and loud cries and moans were heard making Hatchico nearly drop her cell in surprise before clicking pause. 

"Doesn't seem like he wants it...maybe this man wants to ruin him?" 

Before the two could say anything they heard the sound of metal snapping and crushing under Shizuo's monstrous grip. Then Shizuo threw the object into the sky in pure rage before growling out while passing back and forth "Whatever bastard had the audacity to do this is going to die by my hands. Die die die for touching my prey" His fist was clenched tightly together, slightly drawing blood.

"Senpai calm down before you do anything rash." 

"Where're my cigarettes?" he growled before digging in his pockets only to find an empty pack. 

"Damn it!" He grumbled curses under his breath before storming off to buy more. Hatchico looked at Vorona before saying "He is quite possessive of Izaya..." 

"Affirmative will keep a note of that when observing Shizuo's behavior." 

"Ah so about the job..." 

"Just follow me."

-

"Fucking hell I swear when I find out who hurt him I'll kill them over and over again." He lit another cigarette before inhaling deeply. 

"Celty yeah maybe I should talk to Celty about this." 

He pulled out his phone [Celty you busy?] 

[No, why?] 

[I want to talk...] 

[You okay?] 

[Not really] 

[Well come over to Shinra's I'll make sure to have some milk and sweets ready for you]

[Thanks] 

[You're welcome and um try not to destroy anything] 

[I'll try my best]


	9. Can't you see my sanity slipping?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shikizaya and Shizaya are great

Shizuo explained the video and images posted on the dollars before Celty slowly typed out [This is awful but I think I know the culprit behind this but um I should ask Shinra just to be sure] 

With that, she went to go get Shinra who was going over his patient files. He came in with a frown on his face before looking at the images making his frown deepen. "I know one person who would be able to do...that...to Izaya..." \

"Well, who the hell is it so I can send them straight to hell!" 

"His well um...father..." He said the father part just above a whisper.

"His father?" 

"Yeah his father used to abuse him physically and mentally through his childhood...but then when he finally made it to high school he finally sent his father to prison." Shinra swiped his thumb under his lip "That was also the time he started associating with the Awakusu-Kai I believe. Maybe they might be connected somehow." 

Shizuo's fist was clenched up "Bastard bastard bastard." He kept growling out. 

[Shizuo no!] 

"Kill kill ki-" his manta was abruptly halted by a slap to the face before he finally came to his senses. 

[You need to calm down and think before you do something like that! I know you're pissed but I don't think going on a wild goose chase to kill someone is going to help] Celty's shoulders drooped as if to sigh [I know you're worried about Izaya and don't try to deny it but perhaps you should be more worried about his well being than getting revenge for him right now]

Shinra stepped next to his beloved 

"She's right I see how passionate you are towards Izaya and if I didn't know better I'd say you liked him." His words were met with a glare 

"I'm joking I'm joking...please don't hit me." 

Before Shizuo could even lift a finger he watched as Celty jabbed Shinra roughly in the stomach [Now's not the time to tease people] 

"Sorry sorry just trying to lighten the mood." 

"Well don't," Shizuo grumbled. He then stood up. "Well, I'm gonna see if I can find him." before the other two could reply he left the apartment complex.

\- 

It has been a few hours since the informant and secretary said a word to each other but Izaya finally broke it with a very serious request, no order. 

"Namie." 

"So he still speaks..." 

"I need you to track down Shirou Orihara, his current locations and where he's currently staying at." 

"Are you going to make it worth my while?" 

"You are a cold woman but very well. I'll raise your pay and get you pictures of your beloved brother." 

Namie's eyes lit up before she nodded "I'll do my best." 

"Good now please go and find his location, my last lead is that he was spotted near the sunshine building in Ikebukuro." 

She nodded again before grabbing her belongings and leaving.

He pulled out his cell before trying to compose himself. He clicked the speed dial button and let it ring. 

"Orihara-san?" 

"S-Shiki...um my dad is out of jail..." 

He heard the sound of glass breaking before an angry voice answered: "That piece of shit is back?!" 

Izaya heard the angry puffs of Shiki before he said, "I'm sending Akabayashi to get you. Is your secretary there?" 

"No, I sent her to find clues on his whereabouts." 

"Alright then don't open the door, I'm giving him the key now." 

"I'm not a kid anymore!" 

"Doesn't matter I care about you so just listen." 

Izaya blushed deeply "F-finally admitted that you care huh?" 

"Of course sweetheart." 

"You haven't called me that since...well you know." Izaya smiled softly at the memory. "Alright, I'll listen for now."

-

"Shiki-san!~" The info broker happily clung to the older man who silently pats his head with a barely noticeable smile. Akabayashi couldn't help but silently chuckle at the info broker who easily broke down Shiki's walls to reveal a softer side of him. 

"It's been a while since we've been together without it being related to work." Akabayashi smirked at the both of them "We should hang out more often." 

"You know how busy I am and besides my humans might miss me." The info broker gave him a side glance before clinging to Shiki tighter "Though I did miss you guys a little I guess." 

Shiki ruffled his hair "We missed you too...I guess." 

"Hey!" 

"Teasing..." 

"You're mean." 

"Now Izaya get to bed." 

"What?! I just got here and now you're ordering me to go to sleep." 

"You're exhausted so just get some rest." 

The informant pouted "Fine~" He smirked before quickly kissing Shiki on the cheek and running to the bedroom. "Night!"

Shiki froze before Akabayashi burst out laughing "Aww you do care about the kid!" 

"More then you can know." 

"So we gonna find his so-called father and send him back to prison." 

"Prison isn't good enough anymore for that bastard." 

"Oh, I agree with you there." 

"We better start our search while he's asleep, we don't want to worry him." 

So the two started their murderous hunt for Shirou.


	10. The slippery flea

BANG BANG BANG

"Open up you flea!"

Ding dong ding dong!

"I swear if you don't open the door in the next 5 seconds I'm going to rip it off its hinges!"

1\. The bartender was impatiently tapping on his foot as he continued banging on the door just enough to not smash it in.

2\. A vein popped in his forehead while his left eye twitched ever so slightly.

3\. His teeth clenched and grated against each other as his patience was slowly crumbling away.

4\. "Better open it up now flea or you know what will happen!" He gave his final warning.

5\. "Well then I guess that's it then..." With that he gripped the door, causing his fingers to latch on to the other side and pulled it right out before placing it next to the opening.

"I-za-ya-Kun, come out you little pest." He scanned the room for any sign of Izaya but when he found none he wrinkled his nose almost like a dog before venturing further into the rather big place which he assumed was his office. 

"You better not have made me come all the way down here for nothing." His feet made quite the noise as he stalked around the house in search of Izaya with his guard up of course since he never knew when he might pop out and try to slice or stab him.

He heard a soft crunch of someone stepping on the piece that broke off the door which made him quickly turn to the entrance where Namie stood looking at Shizuo in a bored fashion. 

"So I presume you're here to kill him?" 

"Wha-" 

"Well sadly he's not here but if you do see him can you tell him I saw his dad lurking around the west gate." 

"Wait, his dad?" Just thinking about the man who dared to harm his flea just made his blood boil with rage. No, not the caring rage of someone hurting a close friend or something but the rage you get when someone tries to steal your kill, well that's what Shizuo told himself at least.

Shaking his clouded mind furiously he turned back to Namie remembering the reason he was here in the first place. "Uh, you don't happen to know where the flea is, do you?" 

"Your guess is as good as mine." 

Shizuo sighed in defeat before his eyes glinted with determination to either find Izaya or at the least his father so he could beat his face into the ground. Namie walked passed him before grabbing her work phone and tsking in irritation "Now I have to call a repairman instead of keeping Seiji from Mika." she mumbled "That brother stealing bitch..." just under her breath. 

"You can leave now." Shizuo was already out of the room since standing there watching a jealous Namie was just awkward.

He pulled out a cigarette to try and relieve his stress if only by a little bit as he made his way to the west gate. It was a bit hot outside so he decided to loosen his bow tie. His blue shades were hanging off the tip of his nose so he quickly pushed it back up before he heard a couple of people shout "He's over there!" 

Normal citizens scattered away from the blond as a gang approached. "Took you long enough to show up." 

"Huh, who the hell are you?" 

"What?! You don't remember that you beat up some of my crew just because they didn't have the money on them." 

"Oh um, nope doesn't ring a bell." 

"You took all the money we had and now you'll pay!"

They pulled out their weapons that they were hiding up until now and attacked. Shizuo smirked just slightly before dropping his cigarette to the ground and said more to himself than them "Well I need to blow off some steam anyway." 

So the fight began, bodies flew like birds as clothes magically slid off leaving most of the gang in nothing but their underwear. They were now cowering in fear and Shizuo gave them all a death glare "Scram!" 

They scurried away in a haste.  
-

"Well, what is the beast of Ikebukuro up to?" 

I said hiding on top of a roof as I looked down with my binoculars 

"Izaya!" 

"He's looking for my son." 

My lips quirked up slightly "Who would've thought..." 

"Mr.Orihara!" 

'Ah I see what's going on here' I grinned fully now. "Sweet little Izaya has manipulated the beast into caring." I licked my lips "I wonder which one of us will find you first once you come out of hiding." I laughed softly to myself imaging me and that beast both chasing after my son before I stopped all the sudden as I imagined my son's flush naked body pressed against my own as he begged me to stop from thrusting into his tight little hole.

The image filled me with so much glee I can't wait to find him again but for now, I'll stay in hiding, who knows who he's sent to kill me after all.


	11. Distorted dreams

"Orihara-san...he slipped away again." A voice rang out through the empty rooms, making a man with raven hair jump slightly.

"Don't creep up on me like that, Kine-san. Especially if you don't have any information that is of use to me!" Red eyes burned with the flames of Hell as a furious voice replied. They watched the old Yakuza executive angrily, daring him to argue. 

Kine got the message and sighed, shaking his head slightly. "I apologize for that but surely you know it's impossible, right? He's as clever as you after all." He murmured. The man froze as a knife flew by him, just barely grazing his ear.

"That old pig is NOT smarter than I, the great Orihara Izaya!" Izaya hissed and stalked up to the one ally he'd retained throughout all of his years as an informant. The raven's eyes were wild and if Kine looked hard enough, it was easy to see the fear lurking within them. Black hair a mess from not being brushed and trademark jacket looking very unkempt, it was obvious that the terror of his father finding him once again was ruling over Izaya.

Kine bit his lip and simply nodded. "Of course, please forgive me." The man replied softly and crossed the room. 

He'd stuck with Izaya despite knowing how badly his mind was deteriorating. However, Kine would always remain loyal to the Awakusu-Kai's informant. He just barely stopped another sad sigh from escaping as he saw Izaya flinch from the closeness. Still, Kine had no intention of hurting Izaya.

"Come on, you could use some sleep. Staying up like this won't help dispose of your father." 

Taking the informant's arm, Kine slowly led Izaya through the cruddy apartment Izaya had been hiding in. The raven had picked a shady part of Ikebukuro to live, for the time being, hoping it would be harder for his father to detect him there. This apartment had only two rooms and both were falling apart. At the moment Izaya only had an old bed with dirty blankets and a table that looked like it was about to collapse under itself. Kine had offered to buy Izaya new furniture but the man refused to have his credit card marked anywhere as his Dad might be able to trace him through that.

Izaya didn't object and allowed Kine to lead him into his bedroom. Laying down in his bed, the small raven's eyes instantly began to droop shut. After being unable to rest for the past three days, exhaustion was overtaking him at the moment. Kine sighed and looked at his watch. He'd have to send out more of his men to try and take out the older Orihara. Not that it had ever worked before. No matter what though, Kine would not give up. Izaya didn't deserve to become some...some sex slave. He shuddered at the very thought.

"You know...one of my people also reported that one Heiwajima Shizuo is rampaging throughout all of Ikebukuro AND Shinjuku looking for you. Some even said that he looked worried." Kine mentioned, remembering how one had spotted the blond tearing apart Izaya's old apartment looking for his enemy. Were the two even enemies anymore?

Kine decided that was none of his business.

"Hmm...thanks for telling me. Goodnight, Kine-san." Izaya simply mumbled, obviously not in the mood to talk about his relations with the ex-bartender. Of course, he did have much bigger problems on his hands at the moment so that was understandable.

Kine nodded and stood up, making his way towards the door. He looked back once at the once proud and egotistical informant and felt his heart clench as he saw him hide under the covers.

"Goodnight, Orihara-san." The man replied softly before leaving the apartment and locking the door behind him.

Izaya relaxed as Kine left and allowed sleep to claim him.

-

"Aww, it's so stretched out! You can see your pretty little insides!" Dad exclaimed happily as he poked around my gaping hole. I whimpered and simply laid there, too tired to fight back anymore. Feeling something much larger press against my already horribly abused entrance, I let out a small shriek.

"N-No...please don't! I can't take anymore!" I begged for mercy and clenched up, not wanting to allow it inside me. My father had found my prostate and was using it to his advantage, making me turn to complete mush every time that disgusting freak touched it.

"Oh~? Don't lie to me, little boy. You know you want Daddy's big cock inside you." The man purred and pinched my already swollen nipples. I bucked up and let out a soft moan from the forced pleasure as tears welled up in my eyes.

Glancing back at the hard beast about to penetrate me, I felt my whole body relax. Crimson eyes glazed from the lust forced upon me and my small length standing up proudly, I spread my asscheeks apart.

"I-I'm sorry for lying! P-Please....stick your huge d-dick inside me! I n-need it!" I screamed and wriggled my ass to show how desperate I was. Drool dripping down my chin, I continued sticking my butt up like a cat in heat.

My father's cock slammed inside me and I mewled in pleasure, wanting more of that heavenly thing inside me-

Jolting awake, Izaya sat straight up in his bed. Looking around his room in absolute terror, the male found only darkness. His Dad was nowhere to be seen. Sweat seeped through the informant's shirt and he panted heavily as he brought himself back into reality. What...was that? Disgust growing inside him, he climbed out of bed and made his way into his bathroom. Izaya could feel the stickiness clinging to him from inside his pajama pants and he shivered slightly. He definitely needed a shower.

Getting inside and turning the water on, Izaya did his best to clean off his own cum that stuck to his body. The raven had never had a wet dream before.

....

And never about his father.

Rushing out of the still running shower, Izaya bent over his toilet and threw up the small dinner Kine had forced him to eat. A few tears slipped down his cheeks but he brushed them away immediately.

"Someone...help me."


	12. A cruel man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning this chapter contains explicit scenes of child abuse mentally and physically (Including a rape scene) If you are uncomfortable reading such things I highly advise you to wait until you see an Author's note which will mark the scene ends.

It was Izaya's tenth birthday today and let's say he wasn't looking forward to it. Why? You may ask was because his father said: "I have a special surprise for you for this very occasion."

Knowing him it can never be good. So the young boy went about his day as normal, doing chores, reading, and avoiding his dad as much as possible. Soon it was night time and Izaya was up in his room counting the stars out his window when he saw around six shadowy figures at the front door before the disappeared inside his house.

"Sweet heart~ Come down for your surprise" Izaya used to love being called sweetheart by his mother but when he heard his father call him that it just left a bitter taste in his mouth. He took a deep breath before making his way downstairs.

Standing were four men that he did not know while the two sitting down he knew as his father's friends. 

"Well, boys, this is my lovely son." 

"Ah he's so adorable I could just gobble him up." 

Izaya's face heated up as he took a step back, looking back up the steps and wondering if he should make a run for it. 

"Now now sweetheart, these men came here just for you to congratulate you for hitting the double digits." With that, he pulled Izaya into one of his friend's lap. The boy gasped but knew if he struggled he would be severely punished. 

"Such a cute little boy with a nice plump ass." The man groped Izaya's ass and knead his cheeks. "Happy birthday kiddo."

He squeezed his ass hard before yanking Izaya's pants and underwear down. "I hope you enjoy your present sweetheart." Izaya yelped when one of the other men started smacking his ass until it was a rosy color. He whimpered at the stinging sensation before he felt a cock rubbing up and down between his cheeks. 

"Well better not waste time, don't worry though I lubed up." With that being said he forced his slicked up dick into the boy's tight hole.

Izaya screamed but that didn't stop the man from thrusting roughly in and out of him at an alarming rate. Izaya's stomach clenched as the cock pressed against the lining of his stomach creating a small bulge each time the man thrust inside.

Tears welled up in his eyes before he felt a pair of very familiar lips encase his own. He opened his eyes to stare up at his father before he moaned when pairs of hands started touching him all over. From his nipples to his thighs and one was even licking his toes. The cock thrust and thrust and thrust some more before finally warm sticky liquid poured inside of him. The man pulled out with a small popping sound. 

Izaya lied there limp, trying to get lost in his own little world as his father let his friends ravish him to the point where he thought he would die if this went on any longer.

His body shook with forced out pleasure and he gasped trying to cover himself in shame and humiliation. Soon each man had their fill and left one by one. He was carried up to his room by his father before he was plopped onto his bed where he lay naked and disheveled. As the door closed Izaya sat up and walked to the window.

For the rest of the night, he just stared up at the stars. Wishing he could be dead instead of here.

(AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well um, the scene ended...I don't condone the act of rape especially on a minor please understand this and that this is fiction. DO NOT EVER TRY TO RAPE ANYONE! I would never wish such horrible things on a child or anyone for the matter. Now with that being said let's get back to this story that I'm making up as I go along)

Izaya awoke once again from another nightmare. He had a frustrated look on his face as he clawed down his cheeks. 

"I hate him so much! How could I let him live?!" 

"Why...am I so hesitant and afraid to go after him?" He pulled the covers closer to himself. 

"I'm not a child anymore yet I'm still afraid...I'm supposed to be a god among humans yet he makes me turn into nothing but a coward." Izaya looked out the very small window and up at the stars. 

"I'm tired...of this..." 

He kept staring at the stars until he collapsed from exhaustion.

-

Shizuo was desperate now to find Izaya. Maybe it was guilt, maybe he was just too kindhearted, or maybe it was something else. Whatever it was he didn't care the only thing he cared about was finding him and sorting things out. 

He thought that if Izaya left his life he would be happy but now knowing this new information he wasn't so sure anymore.

But so far he had no luck even with Shinra's and Celty's help. Every day he made time to look for him even at night. Soon enough though an idea popped up in his head. Maybe if he could figure out some of Izaya's clients, acquaintance, or coworkers other then Namie they would lead him to find Izaya himself

He decided to call Shinra about his plan before he set it in motion.

He's going to find Izaya even if it kills him


	13. I'm here

Sleepless nights were slowly breaking the bits of sanity Izaya had left. He hated living in constant fear while also having to constantly hide it behind a mask. He hasn't left this house not to mention this room for who knows how many days. He missed the days when he could stroll through the streets without a care in the world. But those days are gone now.

He breathed heavily, letting his mind become slightly fuzzy with too much oxygen. A grin spread across his face when he looked over at his reflection. 

"What am I doing?!" He sprung up, his arms spread wide as he looked crazily at his reflection "Now's the time to be alive, to be awake and live my life." He swayed before pulling the door open "See you later Kine~"

No reply

His jacket fluttered softly as the crisp breeze of the night blew on it. His eyes though bloodshot were still as observant as ever as he took in every little detail from people to the building structure as if he never been outside a day in his life. And with such pale skin that hasn't gotten barely enough sunlight, he could probably fool himself. He almost resembled a ghost as he walked through the crowd who barely gave him a second glance as if making sure that a person was really there and not just their imagination.

He held his head up high as if to make a statement. Yes, he's Izaya Ori-fucking-hara and he wasn't going anywhere. He won't run away anymore.

He won't be a coward

His feet seemed to have minds of their own as they dragged him to Ikebukuro. Putting his hand in his pocket he ran his thumb along the handle of his blade. He was a man and he wouldn't be plagued with such childish nightmares. No, childish isn't the right word for the kind of things he sees in his sleep. No child should even have to think about such awful things yet here he is, a living abomination shaped from years of abuse. Cruelty In the flesh. It's true about him being a cruel man, a loveless man with a heart that gave up a long time ago. If things had gone differently if he had a normal childhood, where would he be now?

He's pondered that question over the years but frankly, he doesn't seem to care right now. All he cares about now is that he's here. That he's still kicking even after all this. He smiled to himself. He was actually proud of this accomplishment as horrible as it sounds.

He had to give his father credit without him he'd never be so reserved. Instead of being manipulated he's the manipulator. The puppeteer of this game we call life. His thoughts started taking a darker path and before he could succumb to the madness he calls his mind a hand grabbed his shoulder and whirled him around.

"Izaya." The man said out of breath. 

"I've been looking for you..." He looked like he ran a marathon 

"Little old me?" 

"Y-yeah." 

"Why would you want to do that Shizu-chan?"

"I was worried." 

"About your enemy?" 

"Yeah."

Izaya looked straight in his eyes before he burst out laughing "Of course you'd say that, you were always so unpredictable." 

"Izaya!" 

"Yes?"

"You look like shit." 

"A-ah?" 

"You look like a walking corpse." 

Izaya was shocked I mean yeah he lost some weight but really now was he that awful looking? Did he really trick himself that much to make him believe that he was completely fine?

He put his hands on Shizuo's chest before clenching the fabric and resting his head between his fingertips."I really am aren't I?" 

"S-sorry I shouldn't have-" 

"Thank you..." 

"Huh?" 

"You've always been an honest man, blunt but honest none the less." He stared up at Shizuo "If things have gone differently between us do you think we could have been friends?"

Shizuo didn't know so he told Izaya so "I don't know." 

"Maybe we would have turned out to be lover's if things went well. We are the only ones who can truly handle the other, huh Shizu-chan?"

Shizuo just combed his fingers through the raven hair while Izaya listened to the soft thumping in Shizuo's chest.


	14. Can you still fix what's broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has mentions of cutting

Shizuo was starring at Izaya who was sitting on Shinra's couch. He was surprised how Izaya didn't put up a fight when he started escorting him there but now maybe they could help him cause he is sure as hell wasn't very good at stuff like this and since Shinra was Izaya's friend longer he may know what could at least cheer him up. So here they were, him, Izaya, Shinra, and Celty all in this room, each with things to hide. 

But you can't hide your sorrow forever.

Shinra was first to break the silence, "So um Izaya how are you?" 

Izaya looked at him or more like glared before replying "Oh I'm just PEACHY my whole life is just sunshine and rainbows you know perfectly glamorous." 

"You're being sarcastic aren't you?" 

"Wow, aren't you smart." 

[Shinra's just trying to help] 

"Asking me how I am does not help at all." He stood up "Can I go now?" 

Shinra blinked before suddenly rushing towards the informant and shoving him down "You know what okay then let's get straight to business then, you're hurting, aren't you? Both body and mind huh? That bastard of a father really fucked you up huh? Well, I'm your friend and I'll be damned if you think I'll let you walk out of here when you're in this state and especially not with that prick out there just waiting for a chance to do who knows what."

Izaya blinked in surprise before a grin spread across his face "Finally taking initiative Shinra?" 

He gave both Shizuo and Celty a sideways glance "Alright if this is how you want to play then let's pl-" 

"Enough Izaya!" Shizuo interrupted, "Stop hiding your emotions all the time it's really not gonna help, not now so just stop hiding how you feel and let us help you!" 

[You want to get better right?]

Izaya sighed "Fine we'll have it your way..." 

Shinra eyed him contemplating what his next move should be."Izaya I want you to take off your jacket and shirt." 

"Why?" 

The underground doctor looked him straight in the eye, "You know why." 

Izaya flinched slightly before slowly removing his clothing to reveal bandaged arms. Shinra gently brushed his fingers on one of them before asking "Can I remove them?" 

Izaya nodded looking away from everyone.

When Shinra unraveled it he first noticed the old scars a whitish color but still noticeable then he traced the new scars "I thought you said you wouldn't do this anymore." Shinra's voice nearly cracked. 

"I know but I..." He didn't know what to tell his best friend, he really did try to stop and for years he didn't but then the nightmares came along with the voices and well he's too selfish to keep a promise.

"Shinra..." 

"You promised!" He croaked out with tears brimming his eyes. "You promised..."

-flashback-

Shinra looked down at a beaten up Izaya who gave him a toothy grin, He smiled back."You should really stop picking fights with high school students." 

"Hey, they started it this time talking crap about us." 

Shinra chuckled "I thought you'd be a model student but turns out you're just another delinquent..." 

He helped Izaya up who leaned on him for support still smiling "Not a delinquent if I don't get caught~" 

Shinra just shook his head dragging him to the empty nurse's office. "You're lucky the nurse isn't here and that I'm training to be a doctor." 

Izaya only laughed "Doctor Shinra Kishitani, nice ring to it." 

Shinra nodded in agreement "Yup so what do you plan on being?" He asked as he started rubbing antiseptic on the small cuts he saw. 

"Well, I was thinking of maybe getting in the not so legal business." 

"Oh?" 

"Maybe I'll be an informant I do have a way of finding out things and easily getting connections."

They both chuckled "Well whatever we turn out to be we'll still be friends right?" 

"Of course Shinra you're the only friend I got." 

Shinra couldn't help but get really happy at that statement, sure at first he only wanted to find a friend to impress Celty but he's getting slightly attached to the other boy. If this is what friendship is he hopes for their's to last forever.

The happy moment didn't last though when Shinra tugged off Izaya's jacket making the other male gasp "W-wait no!" 

Shinra was frozen his mouth slightly agape as he looked at Izaya's cut up arms, they didn't look to be inflicted by anyone but the boy those arms belonged to.

"I-Izaya what happened?" 

He didn't want to jump to conclusions and maybe he was just delusional, yeah the chemicals in his dad's lab is making him see things. 

Izaya seemed conflicted and about to cry which surprised him before he finally said: "I cut myself..." 

Shinra didn't know how to respond. To him, Izaya always seemed to be filled with joy along with a little mischief. Then again people who are depressed like this don't usually tend to show it. Still, he wanted to know why Izaya would go to such an extreme, who or what could make him hurt so much that he'd do this. He wished he had known, he wishes he could do something so that's what brings him to simply ask, "Why?"

Izaya rubbed his eyes "My father isn't the best...he likes doing horrible things to me..." 

"Your father? If he's doing such terrible things than why not call the police?" 

"No!" 

"What? Why not?!" 

"He threatened to hurt Mairu and Kururi and besides he has connections in the police department...trust me I tried once and well the punishment was awful."

Izaya sniffled "That's another reason why I want to work for people underground cause maybe I can become powerful enough to stop this torture myself or in the least get someone else to do it for me." 

"You mean kill him?" 

"I-I'm not sure..." Izaya looked at Shinra "Please don't tell anyone." 

The boy looked so fragile to Shinra that he just couldn't refuse him so he instead enveloped the other in a hug also sniffling."Just promise me that you won't hurt yourself anymore and I won't say a word." 

Izaya hugged back shaking a little. Give up the one thing that helped him put up with all this abuse, how could he? But hearing the shaky "Please" from his friend made him say "I promise."

They never spoke of that day again and both acted like everything was normal though Izaya went out to find a new distraction which happened to be human observation. That soon escalated to manipulation but Shinra didn't mind as long as he stopped hurting himself.

Soon they entered high school where Izaya met Shiki who had connections with some police as well who arrested his father swiftly. Izaya has never been so grateful until that day. He offered to do anything but Shiki insisted that he only wanted him as an informant. Of course, Izaya didn't think that was payment enough and eventually, they bedded quite a few times once Izaya was out of school but it ended soon as Shiki figured out that besides child abuse that Izaya's father also raped him. He was still protective of Izaya though now he decided to keep a little distance, especially with Izaya's manipulative nature.

Shiki would never admit it especially to Izaya but he'd do anything for the young man especially since his life was so awful.

-

Izaya now held Shinra tightly as he sobbed in his shoulder whispering "You promised." Over and over again while he kept replying with a soft "I'm sorry."

Shizuo and Celty didn't know what to do in this situation, neither of them saw Shinra or Izaya seem so...broken before. In fact, it broke their hearts but they guessed they should just let them let their emotions out before they continued.

So they sat there in silence the only sounds were the soft sobs and the words "You promised." and "I'm sorry."


	15. Tired of it all

Shinra and Izaya finally calmed down, Izaya remembering that they had an audience blushed slightly in embarrassment. 

Shizuo cleared his throat before saying "You guys alright?" 

Shinra nodded standing up before patting down his lab coat while Izaya just hummed a yes. "Alright then let's begin! Izaya...you need to tell us the root of your problems, I know you told me tidbits of the problem but you rarely mention your mother, why is that?" 

Izaya's face flashed first anger then guilt "I-It's not something I like to talk about..." 

[Did he do something to her? I mean worse than beating her?] 

Izaya nodded "He liked to break her down. Both her body and mind. He made her scared to leave him...she was so timid that I barely recognized the women I once called my mother." His fist clenched "She was such a coward she just let him walk all over her!"

Izaya was practically fuming now."She sat there and just let him do whatever he wanted! She even assisted him if he commanded her to. She was nothing but a doll who could walk and talk nothing more..." 

No one spoke as Izaya continued with such burning passionate fury that no one has ever thought he was capable of speaking as such. "Of course she wouldn't let him near Mairu or Kururi which I am thankful for but when it came to me, she acted as if I were a stranger to her." He sniffled "She was so confusing, she assisted him in the beatings but when he was gone she was so tender to me...always apologizing and saying she wished things were better!" 

He laughed "She was delusional and blinded by her dying marriage, thinking that things would get better when they clearly wouldn't. She was diluted by love and I guess so was I...not to mention the need to protect my sisters."

He threw his head back laughing freely "But everyone has their breaking point eventually right? There's only so much a young boy can take..."

He lowered his head and said in a quiet voice "So one night I..."

-Flashback-

The boy felt his father slip out of him. He looked over at his mother who gave him a blank stare in return as if she were lost in her own little world. He sat up, jaw tightening before shouting "Are you happy seeing your own son get defiled like this!" 

No reply 

"Are you going to just sit there and let him have his way like you always do!" 

The father looked amused as he looked between his wife and son, taking a step back to see how things play out. Mairu and Kururi were being babysat at their grandparents' house so there would be no interruptions. 

"Answer me!" He screamed.

Still no reply, the women seemed to be frozen in time.

He pulled up his boxers wincing at the dull pain in his backside.

"You're a monster! You're just as bad as him if not worse! What kind of mother would let their child suffer like this." 

"Honey..." The mother finally spoke "Why is he screaming? You're not doing anything to him right now...right?" 

Izaya screamed again "I hate you! You disgust me! Don't try and act all innocent you know what you're both doing to me!" The women stood walking to her son before resting her hand on his shoulder "Shh everything is fine, calm down before daddy gets upset..." 

"Enough with the acting!" He shoved her back making her stumble towards the kitchen.

"I'm sick of you pretending to care about me when it's clear you don't!" 

"I do care...I love you Izaya..." 

"No, you don't!" He howled out backing her in the corner.

They stood facing each other, Izaya seething with rage and her calm as could be though, in reality, she was shaking.

"If you love me then let's leave this place...and never come back." His voice sounded hopeful but when Kyouko's eyes landed on Shirou's she knew she couldn't bring herself to say yes.

"I knew it..." 

Izaya couldn't help the feeling of betrayal from bubbling up inside him but soon rage overtook his mind once again.

"I hate you! I hate you! You mean nothing to me!"

He grabbed at one of the many knives on the counter.

"I-Izaya put that down sweetie I love you so please put the knife down..." 

"No, you don't mother you forced me into this pathetic situation!" 

"I-I promise it'll get better soon..." She looked at Shirou for help who just grinned back at her.

"You gave me a life I never chose!" He brought the knife down before stabbing her in the stomach. She covered her mouth to muffle her screams.

"I hate you!" 

He ripped the knife out before stabbing her again, the blood sprayed onto his tiny body each time he pulled the blade out only to push it back in. His hands were soaked in his mother's blood.

"I hate you!" 

"I love you..." 

"I hate you!" 

"I-I love y-you my b-beautiful angel..." 

"SHUT UP I HATE YOU!" He stabbed her directly in the chest this time, watching as the life drained from her eyes 

"I love you..."

Once his mind processed the horrific act he committed he burst into tears 

His father put his hand on his shoulder, grinning from ear to ear."Well, look at you killing your own mother." 

"I-I didn't mean to..." 

"Of course you did! Her death sure looked painful too." 

Izaya sobbed "N-no you made me do it!" 

"How? I was merely watching from the sidelines. You're the one holding the knife, not me." 

Izaya immediately dropped the knife shaking before looking away from his mother's corpse. 

Shirou merely smiled "Well look who showed his true colors...Should have known you were a little demon spawn." 

"I-I didn't kill her..." the boy said in denial.

Shirou cupped the boy's cheek."How about this, daddy will take the fall if anyone finds mommy's body and no one has to know what you did as long as you let daddy punish you himself for such an atrocious act." 

Izaya rubbed his eyes, he guesses that he deserves this sort of hell after all "Okay..." 

"What was that?" 

Izaya held back a sob "Yes daddy..."

"Good boy. We're gonna have so much fun together"

-

"Killed her..."


	16. I could have done more

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from the past in Izaya's mother's point of view. Contains rape

The moment I laid eyes on the baby before me I knew that I loved him. I looked at Shirou who smiled at me

"Our angel..."

I nodded he was the most precious thing I've ever seen and I never wanted to let him go. The doctors said I could go home in with my son in two days and to be frank I was really excited to take him home and just hold him in my arms and tend to his needs.

The doctor cleared his throat. "So what would you two like to name him?"

"Ah right a name..." I narrowed my eyes in concentration

"How about Izaya." I heard my husband say proudly. I smiled looking back down at my baby.

"Izaya Orihara, that sounds perfect."

My sweet little Izaya...He really is beautiful.

**My sweetheart**

I never knew that having a child could be so wonderful. In fact, I think he's even made the bond between Shirou and me even stronger though I didn't think that was possible since I already loved him very much. Not everything was a fairy tale as I would have hoped for though since Shirou had to work longer and occasionally do some odd jobs to support me and our baby. Now I only saw him at the most an hour a day.but it was to support our baby so I won't complain.

**These memories brought a smile to my face**

A few years went by and I noticed a slight change in my husband's behavior. He seemed to be more distant towards me, focusing more on Izaya but I guess he just wants to get to know his son better since he barely got to see him. Now that our financial situation was mostly stable it does make sense...so why do I feel uneasy about this change. I was snapped out of my thoughts as Izaya rushed at me before wrapping his arms around my torso.

"Mommy!"

I smiled down at him, he wasn't very talkative but when he did speak it always warmed my heart. Shirou came out of the room they were in chuckling lightly, "He wanted to show you his drawing."

Izaya smiled brightly before presenting a piece of paper to me.

My smile turned into a gentler one seeing the drawing of our family inside a cute heart.

"It's wonderful! Do you want me to hang it on the fridge?"

Izaya nodded happily before saying "I hope our family can stay like this forever!"

I ruffled his hair "I do too."

**I truly miss those days**

It was a normal Tuesday evening when I saw it. I was just cleaning Izaya's room when I saw a little box peaking from under the bed marked "Learning materials." I tilted my head in confusion before crouching down and pulling the box out from under the bed. Opening it I saw an array of tapes that I don't remember having ever bought. Perhaps Shirou wanted to give Izaya an early start in school? But then why wouldn't he tell me it just seemed strange. So maybe it was something else entirely.

With my curiosity at its peak, I grabbed a random tape before putting it in the VHS and hit play. I watched as a father and son introduced themselves as they sat on the bed. I had to raise an eyebrow when the father started caressing the son's back saying "You ready to show the audience how you make daddy happy?"

The boy blushed before nodding "Yes daddy."

My eyes widened as I watched the boy unzip his father's fly before going down on him.

"W-what?!" I felt a hand rest on my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

My eyes locked onto Shirou's who had a calm expression on his face. "So you found it huh? Well, I guess you were bound to find it eventually."

My mouth was agape and my throat felt dry as I was at a loss for words. "Yeah finger yourself, baby, get your ass ready for my cock."

My eyes flickered back to the video for a split second before I finally swallowed and weakly whispered "W-why?"

He simply rubbed my cheek softly "I don't have a reason why except that I've grown to love our son in ways that aren't considered normal. He can fulfill desires you never could."

His hand slid down to my shoulder before pushing me roughly onto the floor. "But I know how much you wanted to have a traditional life taking care of a child so let's make another one that you can have all to yourself."

"W-wait!"

He didn't answer me. "Just enjoy it, sweetie. It's the last time we'll probably ever do this."

I shut my eyes tightly as he had his way. When he finished I couldn't help but ask.

"H-have you done anything to him?"

"Not yet..." He smiled "But soon I will."

I simply bit my lip and turned away. "I-I'm leaving with him..."

"Oh? And how are you planning on doing that? You want to force your son to live on the streets?"

"No, I'll tell the police!"

He only smiled wider "Oh honey by the time they get here the evidence will be gone and I'll tell them you're mentally unstable." I grit my teeth together. "And then Izaya will be with just me..."

"N-no!"

"Then keep your mouth shut...honey"

I bit my lip harder drawing blood before nodding.

**I should have run when I had the chance**

I had twins who I named Mairu and Kururi. I wanted to keep as much distance from them and their father as possible. They were my babies after all and I wanted to protect them. I could hear cries and wet slapping noises in my son's room. I couldn't help but call out to them saying something along the lines of "I'm home!"

I only got a grunt in reply as the slapping noise became louder. Holding the two in my arms I moved to get as far away from the noise as possible.

**I'm an awful mother too scared to stand up for my own child**

It became a routine for me to try and ignore all the things he was doing as I tended to Mairu and Kururi. But every time he left I would go comfort Izaya, humming until he would fall asleep or at the least relax in my arms. That was my routine until...well...he involved me in the torture by threatening to harm the twins. It hurt to hold my son down and it hurt to have to prepare him for my husband's cock so I stopped thinking about what I was doing and just let my body go on autopilot. I thought of the days when life was grand and everything was just...perfect.

**I've lost touch with reality each time I did those things**

In the end, I believe I deserve this fate. It still hurt both physically and emotionally feeling my son stab me over and over again in pure rage. I am an awful mother who deserves this death though. I had to tell him that I loved him which was met with his words of "I hate you!" As the world slowly began to blur my only thought was "I love you."

Everything went numb...I deserve this...I-

**I could have done more**


	17. A "normal" life

All I want is a normal life away from this city and away from people. I want to live peacefully with him, I want him to love me as much as I love him...I really do love him even if I show it by means of violent acts and emotional torment. But I need to break him for him to love me so in the end, I'm sure it'll all work out fine.

Looking at a picture of my sweet little Izaya all grown up brought what some might call a sickening smile to my face. I looked up at my men who were waiting for my command. I wouldn't trust them with my life let alone the person I love but desperate times calls for desperate measures. The plan was simple really, spy on his comings and goings, when and where he'll be for a job, and finally how to make him disappear with me without a trace.

Yes, it'll all work out smoothly in the end. I may have set us back a bit by directly interacting with him but that won't matter in the end.

"See you soon, sweetheart"

-

"Y-you killed her?!" 

Izaya crossed his arms looking away."I was just so angry at the time that my body went on auto-pilot...I didn't mean to." 

The room became dead silent as if the three were still processing what he just said. The informant shifted uncomfortably before flinching when he felt something warm rest on his shoulder before his body was pulled up against Shizuo's chest.

"It's alright just let it all out..." 

Izaya blinked in confusion before he felt something wet land on his hand.

Wiping his face he began to sniffle, his eyes glazed over as more tears began to descend down his face. Covering his eyes with his palms he began to cry while Shizuo just gently rubbed him in what can only be described as soothing.

"I-I'm sorry...I'm so sorry K-youko" his sobs became more violent. "Please come back! Please, mom...please come back!"

Shizuo leaned his head against the back of the other's mumbling softly "It'll be okay." 

Everyone in this room was a broken soul in need of someone to help them pick up the pieces and put themselves back together.

Everyone in this room needed help even if they wouldn't like to admit it.

Everyone in this room had the potential to get better, it's only the matter of how they do it.

But everyone in this very room has each other.

\- 

I watched as the man scrambled against the wall as if hoping to faze through it just to get away from me. At least I know I haven't lost my touch with age but now on to more important matters.

Slowly stalking toward the shivering man like a predator about to devour its prey. I pushed my cane against the man's stomach roughly before leaning down with my most charming yet menacing smile.

"I believe you have some information on a certain boss of yours." 

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." 

I leaned in closer "Come on this is way too cliche. You say you don't know, I say something threatening or I just beat you then you tell me everything in a fit of sobs. So do you really want to waste each others time or are you going to tell me where Shirou is?" 

The man looked at me for some sign that I was kidding before sighing raggedly.

"He-he moves around a lot but I think he's setting up somewhere where he's in between Ikebukuro and Shinjuku." 

"Is he planning anything?" 

"I-I don't know." 

I slid my cane up to push against his ribs. "You're a terrible liar so tell me what you know or you might just-" pushing his ribs a bit harder I smiled before finishing what I was saying "Pierce a lung." 

"Alright, all I heard from his rambling about loving his son or whatever was that he wants to take him away from the city to have him all to himself or at least something along those lines." 

"Is that all you know?" 

"Yes! Now please can I go?" 

I eyed him suspiciously before shoving him down with my cane and saying "I better not see you near Izaya again or you'll regret it." 

The man nodded getting onto his feet before running away.

I chuckled then pulled out my phone to call Shiki. Hopefully, we'll find that bastard before he makes his next move cause if we don't...I shivered just thinking about what he might do to Izaya. 

No, I don't think I could forgive myself if any more harm was done to Izaya because of that awful man. 

So with a determined look in my eyes, I stepped back into the pavement, blending in with the crowd before hearing Shiki's gruff voice finally answer the phone.

"Let's get down to business Haruya."


	18. Bite the hand that feeds you

Shizuo was holding Izaya's hand as they walked the streets of Ikebukuro while the people were giving them weird looks and whispers about this strange occurrence began to circulate at a rapid rate.

''Looking over at the smaller male the blond couldn't help but ask "You sure you're okay?"

"Yes Shizu-chan I'm sure, just because I had a little emotional meltdown doesn't mean I can't pick myself back up...but thanks for walking with me."

"You really are strong Izaya...even if it doesn't seem like it you're strong in the mental sense...well um."

"Yeah, I know what you're trying to say that I'm mentally strong but at the same time I'm not since I turned out to be such an evil slimy bastard."

"I-it's not your fault."

Izaya stopped dead in his tracks, forcing Shizuo to stop as well

"Don't say that...I chose this life and I don't regret any of it and I hope you don't forget that I'm still the same awful person I always was." He smirked, "Though for you I'll try to be a little nicer."

His smirk then turned into a grin. "Only if you say please."

Shizuo chuckled "This is weird but at the same time it feels...right."

"You think so too? Pretty weird that this is what brings us together."

"Two fucked up people finally getting along."

"Ah, you're finally admitting that you're not that great of a person."

"I'm better than you at least."

"Touche."

They continued walking their fingers still intertwined almost subconsciously.

"I-um have a question..."

"Yes?"

"I'm not sure if now is the right time to ask though..."

"If you think that then there probably never is a right time so you might as well just ask now and get it over with."

"W-what are you going to do about your father?"

"Oh...him. Well if I see him I'll...I don't know I'm just hoping that I never see his face again."

"I do too."

They stood in front of Izaya's building, Izaya suddenly realizing that they were still holding hands gently pulled away.

"Well, I guess this is where we part."

"Are you sure it's safe? I can walk up if you want."

"Nah it'll be fine I texted Namie a little bit ago so she's in there."

"I can still-"

"You've done more than enough Shizu-chan. I'm a big boy I can handle myself." He then playfully added "What do you think will happen that the moment I open the door I'll get loped upside the head? That's simply ridiculous."

"I guess that is."

"Besides we still have to keep up an appearance and I definitely don't want to give Namie any ideas." Izaya pursed his lips "Though holding each others' hands sure didn't help but if you go in people will probably think we're fucking."

Shizuo blushed brightly before turning to face away from the informant. "Alright you made your point I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Bye bye Shizu-chan~"

Izaya entered the building while Shizuo began walking back to Ikebukuro.

When Izaya entered his complex he was met he immediately froze when he saw Namie sitting on the couch as still and quiet as a statue.

His eyes flicked up to an unfamiliar man holding a gun to her head.

"Ah you finally arrived I was starting to wonder if this secretary of yours was lying about your arrival."

"Who are you?"

"Who I am is of no importance but your cooperation is."

"Well, then why are you here? Is it information you seek but you don't have money...tsk tsk I don't do handouts you know~"

The man laughed coldly "I think you know exactly why I'm here."

Izaya's lips twitched downward. "I believe I do and whatever he's paying you I can pay tenfold."

"I hate you" The man began to say "I don't want anything to do with you and after this well let's just say I won't be seeing you around."

Izaya was reaching in his pocket for his flick blade when the man shot the wall next to him, the bullet making his hair flutter as it passed by.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, your father may love you in his sickening way but I'm sure he won't care if you can't walk or were completely paralyzed for the matter as long as he had you."

Izaya glared at the smiling man already regretting telling Shizuo to go. His eyes flickered to Namie who was still frozen in her spot.

"Well then let's go your father is anxious to see you again."

He looked over at Namie "I'll let you go since I've heard of your hatred towards Izaya and well I pity that you were forced to work with him for so long."

"A real pity..." Namie mumbled softly.

The man grabbed Izaya's shoulder yanking him back to the door. "Move it."

He gave Namie one last fleeting look before he was led downstairs to the back entrance where a van waited for them. Namie sighed in relief before quickly pulling out her phone and dialing for Shiki. 

"I really hate my job." She mumbled to herself though in all actuality she was worried for the man but she knew not to show it with that other guy around or neither of them would have had a chance to get out of this situation.

"Come on pick up..." She couldn't help but think how this all would go down. Would Izaya fight? Would Shiki involve Shizuo? How many people will die?

**Will this story have a happy ending?**


	19. "I love you sweetheart"

Izaya eyed the man who brought him to his childhood home before he moved his eyes toward his father who was smiling brightly. 

"Welcome home my dear." 

"Fuck you." 

"Ahahaha so unprofessional and here I thought you've finally grown a little but I guess you're still the same little boy I've always known." 

"As I said before Fuck you. Why the hell are you so obsessed with me? Get a girlfriend or something." 

The informant put on a cold and tough front but on the inside, he was shaking in fear. 

"I don't want a girlfriend. Have you forgotten the special bond that we share?" 

"Bond my ass! You're delusional if you think anything you did to me was some kind of shitty as bond!" 

His father laughed "Deny all you want but you know what we had was special." 

"Yeah, a fucked up sort of special!" 

"Ha, you're reminding me of your rebellious teenage years." 

"Well maybe if you've listened for once then I wouldn't have to get so pissed off at you!"

Shirou had a straight face before tilting his head slightly and putting his hand on his chin 

"Okay, I'm listening." 

"I-you are a selfish piece of shit who only cares for himself!" Izaya leaned forward his face slightly red in anger. "You used me and abused me but you will not destroy me!" 

His father seemed to take in each word carefully. 

"All I ever was to you was a sex toy. A living fleshlight even and now you have the audacity to think I'd go back to being that without a fight. I'm Izaya freaking Orihara and with a snap of my fingers I can make you disappear!" 

"And I'm Shirou Orihara and I'm in the process of making us disappear...together." 

Izaya blinked finally calming down a bit. "What do you mean?" 

"We're going somewhere where no in this entire world will ever find us." 

"That's absurd!"

Shirou's lips quirked up into a smirk. "When you love someone you can make anything happen." 

"Try to get far when Shiki finds out." 

"Shiki?" 

"Yeah your stupid underling left my secretary back at the apartment and I'm sure she's called Shiki by now. It's only a matter of time before he finds you." 

Izaya stood looming over his father with a smile that could give even the devil himself shivers. "And I'll make sure he guts you like a snake. No. that's too good, I'll have you mutilated...I'll get you to fuck yourself dry with your own severed dick!"

His dad laughed "I always knew you were a sadist just like me~" 

Before Izaya could react Shirou bolted up before grabbing Izaya and pinning him to the floor. 

"You should know by now that your daddy still has some tricks up his sleeve." 

Grinning down at the informant with a wild predatory gleam in his eyes he leaned down until their noses were practically touching. 

"You don't actually think I didn't take any precautions with that boss of yours do you?" 

His lips parted ready to say something but his father interrupted once again. 

"Of course I would have some spies on the inside reporting on their every move. You can never be too careful right?"

He laughed before moving his head down to the informant's neck. "I heard that monster walked you home, I was kinda hoping he'd walk you up just so I can have the satisfaction of knowing his brains were splattered everywhere." 

"You're jealous of Shizu-chan?" 

"Of course how could I not?" 

He gently nibbled Izaya's neck 

"I don't know what relationship you two have under the surface so I can only assume it's romantic and you should know that I'd hate that."

"After all..." 

He bit into his neck drawing blood before pulling away to look Izaya in the eyes. "I love you, sweetheart." 

Izaya only glared up at him before growling out "I'll kill you myself if I have to." 

"I know, that's why I'm going to discipline you." He had a smile that just screamed danger making Izaya struggle against his vice grip. 

"Well then let's get started."

Shirou couldn't wait to break in his beautiful son. 

He also couldn't wait to finally leave together with him.

It's going to be simply perfect.


	20. I won't miss you

Shiki and Shizuo were both in his limo. Driving, or more like speeding down the street. A man severely beaten and tied up was on the floor with tears in his eyes kept mumbling, "Please don't kill me." 

They paid the man no mind since they already got all the information they needed out of him after the severe beating that mostly Shizuo gave in both desperation and anger. They watched as the city slowly faded from view and they were looking at nothing but a road and trees. 

"You better not be lying or you'll regret it," Shiki said to the man while Shizuo glared down at him very much wanting to kick the guy out so he didn't have to look at his stupid face anymore but Shiki wanted to keep him around until we were actually where they were hiding Izaya.

Looking around the outskirts of Shinjuku, Shizuo couldn't help but tap his foot in impatience. 

"Can't we go any faster? Who knows what that bastard is doing to him." 

"I want to get there as fast as we can to but we just have to wait a little longer." 

Shiki's eyes lowered, his facial expression looking deadly enough that Shizuo scooted away a little. 

"We'll make him pay I assure you that." 

Shiki looked behind at the black cars following them. 

"My men will take care of any of his lackeys and we can get straight to Shirou." 

Soon enough a normal looking house came into view. 

"So this is where Izaya used to live?" Shizuo asked. 

Shiki nodded "I think I came here a few times before..." 

The limo pulled up to the house, both Shiki and Shizuo stepping out. Shiki's men soon got out of their black cars and waited for his orders. Finally, Akabayashi stepped out of the driver's seat of the limo, swinging his cane back and forth with a small smile on his face. 

"I always wanted to put this man in his place." 

Shiki nodded in agreement 

"He's beyond any sort of help especially after going after my top informant."

Shizuo with his fist clenched nearly yelled out 

"What the hell are we waiting for let's go!" 

Just as he was about to stomp up and bust down the door Shiki grabbed him. 

"Careful there, do you want to get shot in the face right off the bat?" 

Shizuo blinked as Shiki motioned for the men to go in first.

"If we want to get him we can't die okay?" 

Shizuo nodded watching as his men pulled out their guns before pushing the door in. It was silent for a few seconds before one man fell to the floor, holding the side of his stomach as blood dripped out of the bullet wound.

All hell broke loose as the men on both sides began a shoot out. 

"Well then after you Shizuo, try to avoid being shot," Akabayashi said motioning at the entrance with his cane. 

They each entered, avoiding the gunshots since his men were holding them off. 

"Well, we better hurry he probably knows we're here now." 

They made their way through through the house looking for where Shirou and Izaya could be. Shizuo's gaze fell on what appeared to be a hidden door. Not missing a single beat he pulled his fist back before smashing in the hidden entrance and going down the steps followed by both Shiki and Akabayashi.

They heard a muffled shout before they heard Shirou growl out "Stop struggling, we're going to be a happy family even if I have to make you." Shizuo ran the rest of the way to see Shirou knock Izaya out cold. Something came over the blond after he saw that, uncontrollable rage boiled up inside him before he just let it all out and attacked the man, knocking him away from the informant. He grabbed the man by the collar of his shit but he slipped out of his grasp. Shizuo's eyes narrowed in concentration as he knocked down anyone who stood in his way from getting to that horrible man.

Soon there was no one else standing in his way and he made sure to best Shirou to a bloody pulp. 

He would have killed him if Akabayashi hadn't tapped him on the shoulder and said: "We'll take it from here, thank you for your service." 

Just like that, it was all over, Akabayashi began dragging Shirou's limp body to the limo as Shizuo gently picked Izaya up and followed after. He looked at Shiki who was now smoking before looking over at Akabayashi and Shirou. 

"So...what are we going to do with him?" 

Shiki blew a puff of smoke out. 

"Well..."

"That's for the informant to decide."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so as you might have guessed this story is coming to its end. Anyway, I wanted to explain some things that I was going to add in but couldn't really fit in with the plot but it is hinted at.
> 
> Firstly, The relationship between Izaya and Shirou. Of course, it a horrible and dysfunctional relationship with layers upon layers of abuse but you know how children can be manipulated since they are so young? Well, I was kinda hinting at that even though Izaya hated him, some part still loved him, I know awful right? But that's what happens when you physiologically damage a person...Now Shirou was more obsessed as Izaya was the last thing left when he had a normal family. Of course, he's messed up for raping Izaya at a young age and his ruined marriage and family is his own fault. 
> 
> Nex,t the case of Shizuo. In the beginning, this story was going to take a whole other direction that would involve both Shizuo and Izaya being messed up in the head. Shizuo, of course, thinking he's a monster and Izaya well his childhood trauma. I was going to do something but in the end, I scrapped that idea and went with this instead. So now Shizuo is more of someone who can show Izaya what a real loving relationship is...cute right?
> 
> Now Izaya and Shinra's relationship. I kept it relatively the same but then out of the blue I thought, you know what let's get some caring Shinra up in this bitch and here we are. I wanted to convey that even though Shinra doesn't say it often he does care very much about his friend and wants him to be happy. That's why he kept the secret to make Izaya happy and to stop him from hurting himself of course. I know the Anime didn't really show it and I think the manga did a little so I just wanted to have a..well...nice and sweet friendship between the two.
> 
> Shiki and Akabayashi...As you might have guessed Shiki and Izaya had a short romantic period between them before Shiki realized about his dad. Now though Shiki and Akabayashi are like father figures that he never got to have because his actual father is shit. That's pretty much it, two powerful gang leaders being protective of their informant.
> 
> The mother I think you guys got the message...
> 
> Lastly, Izaya, just Izaya. In the beginning, I was going to have a voice and shadowy figure follow him around but I decided to tone that down to just his self-deprivation. He may be a genius but emotions were never his strong suit as you can see with his conflicting emotions with Shizuo, Shirou, and his mother. He also, of course, broke down with Shinra. I wanted to make Izaya in this story emotionally and a bit mentally unstable. He does care about people but he doesn't really want people to care about him but at the same time he does. It's a conundrum really.


	21. Just hold my hand

They all stood in a spacious room in the Yakuza headquarters. Shirou was strapped down on the floor his gaze was fixated on Izaya who's eyes was locked to the wall just past him. He couldn't stop his lips from curling up into a smile which made Shiki pause his conversation with both Akabayashi and Shizuo. 

"Well well well I knew you had it in you...son." 

"Don't call me that."

"It's what you are." 

"Shut up." 

Shizuo cut in glaring down at the man "You don't get to call him that after everything you've done." 

Shirou laughed before turning back to Izaya "You found yourself a bodyguard? I thought you hated his guts but clearly, there's something going on between you two." He grinned "Do you actually like this guy?" 

He expected Izaya to quickly deny it but he just turned to Shiki and said: "Let's get this done and over with."

Shiki nodded while Akabayshi swung his cane chanting "Punishment time! Punishment time!" 

"So what do you want to be done to him? It's all up to you." 

Izaya looked over at Shizuo before quickly averting his eyes when Shizuo caught his gaze. 

"I...I want to make him suffer just like I did...no I want to do something worse." 

His eyes met Shirou's who gave him a now weak smile. Izaya couldn't help but realize something at that moment. "You love me huh?" 

All eyes were on the two as Izaya stepped closer "You love me and you want me all to yourself right? That's why you're jealous of Shizu-chan..." 

Shirou gave out a humorless laugh before he jumped slightly when Izaya crouched down so they were face to face. Shirou couldn't stop his heart from beating out of his chest 

'I-is he having a change of thought? A-are we finally going to run away together' he thought to himself his eyes looking hopeful.

Izaya saw the hope in his eyes and that's exactly when he leaned in so his mouth was hovering over Shirou's ear. "Your love for me is like my love for humans." 

He grinned "Except you're the one human I hate the most."

With that, he shoved Shirou backward before standing back up with a mischievous gleam in his eyes. Yes seeing such a dejected expression from the man who ruined his life made him absolutely giddy. Isn't revenge just great? He's already feeling more like himself...but...He'll probably never be the same after everything that's happened. He thought he could move on but when his father returned all the walls he built around himself over the years crumbled and- 

He looked over at Shizuo. 

Things will probably never be the same between the two and he wasn't sure if he was glad or not.

After all, Shizuo found the person he never wanted him to know. He looked over at Akabayashi who smiled softly 

"So are you ready or do you still need some time to think." 

He looked back at Shizuo then at Shiki. 

"Can you take Shizuo outside...I don't want him to see this..." 

'Geez, why am I so worried about what he thinks of me all the sudden.'

Shizuo of course quickly objected. "What if he somehow gets out of those binds and tries to hurt you?" 

"Don't worry I'll be here with him," Akabayashi reassured. 

Shiki gripped Shizuo's shoulder. 

"It's best we go, the sooner they're done the sooner none of us have to see this man again." 

Shizuo looked over at Izaya one last time before nodding and leaving with Shiki.

Now that it was just the three of them with Shirou being oddly silent it was finally time to get down to business. 

"So how do you want this to go down?" 

Izaya thought for a moment before nodding to himself and saying. "Burn his dick and balls then cut them off and make him eat it." 

"Whoa didn't know you were that sadistic but your wish is my command." 

Akabayashi walked toward Shirou before pulling out his lighter 

"This will definitely hurt." 

And with that, the torture began.

-

When he first felt the flame against his private parts he bit his lip and tried to scoot away but was held in place by the red-haired man. He looked over at Izaya who was staring intensely at him. He widely grinned, yes there was still time to save his own skin and well it wouldn't hurt to try one last time. He did his best to ignore the excruciating pain before opening his mouth

"I love you, sweetheart, I've always had and a-always will." 

That certainly struck a chord. He knew that calling Izaya sweetheart always gets to him but before his son could even think about replying Akabayashi shoved him down before shoving the fire as close to his genitalia as possible making him finally scream out in agony.

"You shut your fucking mouth you piece of shit. I should have just killed you back then." 

Shirou fell all the way back his hands cupping his eyes as tears streamed down his face.

Even through all the pain he couldn't help but laugh. 

Akabayashi was starting to get even more pissed so he finally began cutting off the crazy man's dick and balls. Shirou let out a strangled noise before he screamed out "It doesn't matter what happens my love will live on forever!!" 

"I said shut up!" 

He would have laughed more but he was quieted by having his genitals shoved into his mouth. 

Izaya finally looked away. 

He thought this humiliating torture would bring him some sort of satisfaction but all he felt was emptiness.

He began walking to the exit giving Akabayashi a little wave. 

"He's all yours." 

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Akabayashi grin as he mumbled "Finally." 

Meanwhile, Shizuo and Shiki were outside smoking. He noticed that the blond looked extremely tense so when he placed a hand on his shoulder blade he jumped and his cigarette nearly fell from his mouth. 

"Oh hey...so you're done?" 

Izaya nodded looking down at his feet. 

"I'll give you two some privacy."

With that, he went inside to help Akabayashi.

The air became heavy between the two before Shizuo said: "Your sisters asked me about you..." 

"Oh, did they now?" 

"They said they saw the video and they're worried about you." 

Izaya froze instantly. Shizuo noticed but he knew he had to continue 

"They wanted to see you for a while. Said they tried contacting you but you never answered. They almost thought you were dead." 

Shizuo turned to look at him "You should go see them." 

"I don't know if I can." 

"I'll go with you if you want." 

"Really?" 

"Yeah." 

Izaya crossed his arms in an almost protective way before nodding "Might as well...I can't avoid them forever." 

He flipped open his phone before sending a text to his sisters to meet him and Shizuo at a park. He looked back at Shizuo before holding out his hand. The blond simply stood there confused making Izaya quickly say "Just hold my hand." 

He looked away before adding, "Just until we get there." 

And so they walked to the park hand in hand

Mairu was the first to run over and wrap her arms tightly around him followed by Kururi who silently joined in mumbling a soft "Missed you." 

Shizuo quickly slipped away to give the three privacy. 

"Why didn't you answer any of our calls?" 

"I..." 

"And don't make any excuses!" 

"We'll know..." 

They watched as his shoulders slouched before he sighed "I couldn't... I was worried about other things." 

"We could have helped!" Mairu shouted, pushing herself away to fully look up at her brother. 

"No!" He quickly rejected "I wouldn't have let you get involved in this mess." 

"Over?" Kururi asked 

"Yes. It's over now." 

"We're sorry." 

"Sorry?" 

"We should have been there for you like you were there for us when our mother died." 

Izaya looked at the two before laughing softly. "That's sweet but you two don't owe me anything, as long as you stay safe I'll be satisfied."

His sisters moved to gently grab his hands. Mairu holding his left while Kururi held his right. Their shoulders brushed against each other as they both leaned on their brother. It was a sweet moment that was also rare between the three nowadays. 

"We should do this more often." Mairu suddenly said. 

"Hold hands?" 

"Spend time together...like a family." 

"Family." Kururi agreed. 

Izaya looked back and forth between his sisters before he broke out in a smile. "Of course." 

The two sisters smiled, Mairu's smile being wider while Kururi just gave a soft smile. 

Mairu's eyes locked with Shizuo and she couldn't help but give Izaya's hand a quick squeeze before pulling away immediately followed by Kururi. 

"Well, now that we know you're okay we believe there is someone you should finally have a civil conversation with." 

Kururi looked at her sister curiously before nodding when she caught her gaze 

"See you soon..." 

With that, the two happily left making Izaya finally sigh in relief. 

"Didn't expect that to go so well." 

Shizuo finally walked back over, stomping out his cigarette on the way. 

"So how are you anyway?" 

He shrugged in response. 

"I don't know what I'm feeling at the moment...I think my mind is still trying to process that it's all over." He turned "Things aren't going to go back the way they were are they?" 

Shizuo shook his head "That's not something I plan to let happen." 

"Oh?" 

"After everything, I don't want to start fighting again Izaya." 

"I don't want to fight either."

They looked at each other before Izaya held out his hand and said: "Let's start over...I'm Izaya Orihara." 

Shizuo gently reached out to grab the hand, "Shizuo Heiwajima." 

With that, he pulled Izaya towards him before enveloping him in a hug. Izaya leaned into the blond, seeming to relish his warmth. 

"I promise from now on I'll protect you." 

"Oh? But you've just met me~" Izaya joked. 

Shizuo just chuckled. 

"Well, I seem to have grown fond of you."

Epilogue~

It has been quite a few years since that day and Shizuo and Izaya were now living together. Their relationship, of course, started off as friendship but over time the more they got to know one another on a personal level they began to slowly fall for the other. Now here they are sharing tender kisses and sweet touches like hand-holding or simply leaning on the other. 

Shizuo made Izaya feel safe and Izaya made Shizuo feel human. They both brought out the good in each other without really trying all that hard. 

"Hey, Izaya?" 

"Hmm?" 

"What comes next?" 

"Well, whatever comes as long as I have you by my side I think everything will be fine." 

Shizuo looked over at his smiling lover and smiled back. "I'm glad we can spend time together like this." 

"You know...I'm glad I met you, who knows what could have happened if I didn't." 

"What do you mean?" 

"Shizuo you're..." 

"I'm?" 

"You're the first person I fell in love with...and I'm glad it was you. I'm glad that my first real love is with you." 

Shizuo was silent for Izaya never admitted that he loved him before and really he didn't need to. 

"I'm glad you were my first love too. But why are you glad it was me?" 

"Well...loving you gave me the strength to keep going. Even after all that happened every time I thought of you I just knew things would be okay." 

Izaya leaned up to brush his lips against Shizuo's cheek "I love you, Shizuo." 

"I love you too."


End file.
